Breakfast… The most hazardous meal of the day

I am not a morning person, now I know a lot of people say that but trust me I’m really not and a recent event has just cemented my opinion in this regard. Now I know there is lots of evidence to suggest that breakfast is the most important meal of the day and not one to be skipped but somehow I have managed to get to my mid (some would say late) 30’s without hardly ever eating breakfast. And it’s not done me any harm, ok so there was that minor health blip that almost put a premature end to things, but really I’m ok not having had breakfast for most my life.


I’m just not able to function in the morning, hence not having breakfast. I know I know, as the argument goes if I had the breakfast I could function. I do have a breakfast of sorts, it’s a black cup of coffee no sugar, when I get to work. And trust me until I have drunk every last drop of it I am not worth talking to. My mood in the mornings is so bad I just can’t be arsed, my team can testify to the dangers of trying to talk to me before that coffee has been drunk….

Team Member :”Morning Colin”

Colin: “whatever, what the hell is so *&(%&*^ good about it? Just leave me ALONE”

Team Member: “I only said morning, not good morning”

Colin” “Jesus H Christ will you just give it a rest, I’ve only been in the office two minutes and already your harassing me with shit, I don’t have the time for this right now”


Just to be clear, this has not actually happened (for a while), you see my team know that morning’s and I simply don’t mix.


Anyway, back to the recent event, for some bizarre reason The All Knowing I has started to make me breakfast every morning. Now god knows why having known me for so many years and knowing what I am like in the morning!  Sometimes it’s porridge with a sprinkling of brown sugar and blue berries and sometimes it’s scrambled egg on toast. I am woken up just minutes before it is ready so all I have to do is just stumble (it’s fair to say I do this in an early Neanderthal man sort of way) from my bed to the table.  The world is still all a bit of a blur to me at this point, but on the table there is always a freshly brewed cup of Green Tea. Naturally decaffeinated green tea I might add which is “packed full of antioxidants”, I know that because The All Knowing I told me. Anyway, recently, having stumbled from my bed to the table, I sat down, opened my eyes, and took a sip of my green tea. And what the hell…… it wasn’t green tea, it was Rooibos tea instead. Now if you ask me this was underhanded, slipping me a different taste sensation while I was weak and vulnerable, The All Knowing I got what was coming to him if you ask me.


I calmly put the cup down, and in my polite demur manner that I exhibit at such an un-godly hour asked why we had different tea to what we normally have?  Now I don’t really remember what the answer was exactly, but I do recall with shame that my reaction was very much like that of Glenn Close’s in Fatal Attraction where she goes nuts and comes screaming at Michael Douglas with a kitchen knife. So you see having breakfast, well with me at least, really is the most hazardous meal of the day….. and yet The All Knowing I still makes it for me.


You can read more about green tea or rooibos tea via these links.


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