My team at work recently had an off site day where we spent the day bonding and planning for the year ahead. It was all very civilised and productive and as a treat for a day’s work well done we all toddled off to do a spot of ten-pin bowling followed by some karaoke.
Now I never intended to stay for the karaoke having already moaned to anyone that was willing to listen that I would rather stick pins in my eyes or jump out of an aeroplane without a parachute than sing at karaoke. I don’t even sing in the shower at home when I have the place to myself, and why is that? Because I know how BAD I am at singing. However, once the bowling was over I thought, why not pop along and laugh at others’ attempts to be the latest pop sensation. I should point out that I had partaken in a few beers at this point, but was still adamant that I would not be holding the microphone, I may sing along with the others but no way was I going to stand there in front of people and sing.
After a few delightful performances by my team mates (no honest my ears were not bleeding), and an especially moving rendition of Wind Beneath My Wings by a colleague who clearly has a hankering to escape the world of research and become the next Bette Midler, I was thrust into the limelight and made to perform like a dancing monkey (those of you that have seen me dance will know exactly how I looked at this stage).
Now what I don’t understand is, why is it when I was sat there watching others sing I seemed to have no trouble singing along as the words changed colour, but the minute a microphone was put in my hand I suddenly had a severe bout of dyslexia and mumbled along sounding as if I had just had all four wisdom teeth taken out and the anaesthetic had was still not worn off…..
I sat down with my head hung in shame and thought that was me done for the night, heart rate slowly returning to normal
But oh no, another couple of beers and I was suddenly up there again, having pushed women and small children out of my way as I clamoured to the floor for my chance to shine in the spotlight of stardom once more. I know, I know, it was just some poky room in a bowling alley, but I was drunk and convinced I was on a stage before my thousands of adoring fans and they were screaming for me to sing my musical masterpiece…. I’m Too Sexy For My Shirt – oh the shame of it all….