Archive for March, 2013

It is hard work being gay….

March 13, 2013

You have to maintain a 32inch waist no matter how old and lazy you get

You have to have a gym membership even if the heaviest thing you want to lift is the post off the door matt

You have to have an assumed knowledge about all things to do with women’s fashion even if you don’t have a single fashionable female friend

You have to know the words to every song ever performed by Kylie, Madonna and Bananarama and at least 3 other 80’s pop stars

You have to know what all the ‘in’ bars and restaurants are, even if you have lived like a hermit for years

You have to wear clothes that are in fashion, but not look like mutton dressed as lamb if you are an ageing gay

You have to pretend NOT to fancy the hot straight guy in the office

You have to look at least ten years younger than you are, and make it look effortless

On that note, you have to have immaculate hair even if you have just got out of bed after 12hrs of sleep

You have to know someone that your straight friends can buy pills from, and I am not talking paracetamol, even if you have never even so much as puffed on a joint your entire life

And finally you have to be happy in the face of adversity, there is a reason you are called gay, now go face that firing squad with a skip and a hop and a great big smile on your face…

A lemon a day keeps the…..

March 6, 2013

lemons-are-goodAs some of you may know I have recently been seeing a nutrition coach, all part of my quest to live a bit longer now that I have two little boys. Anyway, as part of his coaching he recommended I have lemon water each morning. This was an easy step to take and one that on further reading is well worth taking. Yes mother I do know that you have been harping on about the benefits of doing this for years, but this time I promise to take note.

Anyway, I thought I would share with you some reasons why this is such a good idea…


1. It boosts your immune system: Lemons are high in vitamin C, and also high in potassium, which stimulates brain and nerve function. Potassium also helps control blood pressure.

2. Look younger: I know I know for someone as youthful looking as me this should not matter but did you know the vitamin C also helps decrease wrinkles and blemishes. Lemon water purges toxins from the blood which helps keep skin nice and healthy. Oh and it can also be applied directly to scars to help reduce their appearance.

3. Balances pH: Drinking lemon water every day (not just once in a blue moon) will help reduce your body’s overall acidity. Lemon is one of the most alkaline foods around and apparently this is very good for you.

4. Aids digestion: Lemon juice helps flush out unwanted junk and it does this by encouraging the liver to produce bile which is an acid that required for digestion (and my liver needs all the encouragement it can get). And while we are here good digestion will reduce heartburn and constipation as well.

5. Look slimmer: Again with my 32inch waist why would this matter, but did you know Lemons are high in pectin fibre, which helps fight hunger cravings (and I crave cake a lot). This is also where that alkaline bit comes into play again, it has been shown that people who maintain a more alkaline diet lose weight faster.

6. Will make you pee: Lemons increase the rate of urination in the body, which helps purify it, all this means that toxins are released at a faster rate which helps keep your urinary tract healthy.

7. Keeps your breath fresh: Not only this, but it can help relieve tooth pain and gingivitis. Warning required here though, the citric acid can erode tooth enamel, so you should monitor this.

8. Relieves respiratory problems: Warm lemon water helps get rid of chest infections and can keep coughs at bay. It’s thought to be helpful to people with asthma and allergies too, had I know this before working on an Allergic Rhinitis project recently I would have told all the patients I spoke to…..

I don’t always remember to have my lemon water in the morning, but find it nice and refreshing in the afternoon after lunch – just saying.