It is hard work being gay….


You have to maintain a 32inch waist no matter how old and lazy you get

You have to have a gym membership even if the heaviest thing you want to lift is the post off the door matt

You have to have an assumed knowledge about all things to do with women’s fashion even if you don’t have a single fashionable female friend

You have to know the words to every song ever performed by Kylie, Madonna and Bananarama and at least 3 other 80’s pop stars

You have to know what all the ‘in’ bars and restaurants are, even if you have lived like a hermit for years

You have to wear clothes that are in fashion, but not look like mutton dressed as lamb if you are an ageing gay

You have to pretend NOT to fancy the hot straight guy in the office

You have to look at least ten years younger than you are, and make it look effortless

On that note, you have to have immaculate hair even if you have just got out of bed after 12hrs of sleep

You have to know someone that your straight friends can buy pills from, and I am not talking paracetamol, even if you have never even so much as puffed on a joint your entire life

And finally you have to be happy in the face of adversity, there is a reason you are called gay, now go face that firing squad with a skip and a hop and a great big smile on your face…

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2 Responses to “It is hard work being gay….”

  1. Anita Ribbons Says:

    Honey…you should try being a woman! Your list has nothing on the shit we are meant to be and do x

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